OCD

There is this girl/woman/overgrown baby in my office who is starting to bug the hell out of me. She clearly suffers from a mild form of OCD. Actually, it is me who suffers, but she is the one with the disease.

She is about 30 years old but is one of those women whose voice never changed so if you heard her on the phone, you might ask, "Hello little girl, is your mommy home?"

I can hear her walking around the office, taking short, quick steps and it sounds like there is a pony loose in the office, and the pony is always in a hurry. She always punctuates her visits to my cube with a little pony stomp to signal her arrival. Clomp, clomp clomp. Then two quick ones, like a pony counting to two, except one with each foot, if you can imagine.

She used to trot over to my cube everyday at noon on the dot, clomp, clomp, "Lunch?"

She is tied to routine. Lunch is the same thing everyday. A cheese sandwich and potato chips. She eats the sandwich starting with the crust and then takes bites in a circle, finishing with the center. She eats her potato chips in order of descending size, the biggest, unbroken chips first.

She is a vegetarian and an extremely picky eater. That, I assume, is why she eats the same thing everyday. She is also very emphatic about everything. Love or hate, nothing in the middle. Avacado? "Ewww, disgusting." Cake? "Does it have frosting? I hate frosting." Tomatoes? "I love em." I mentioned today that I like 7Up. "I like 7Up too," she said, like she'd just found the only other Jew in Afghanistan. "It is so much better than Sprite or Sierra Mist. Do you like [some brandname] lemonade?" Shit. I can't even remember the last time I had a Sprite. I just like an occasional 7Up. I'm a casual fan, not a diehard adherent.

Every Friday after work she goes grocery shopping and presumably buys the same thing. Sunday night is movie and pizza from Papa Murphy's with the same toppings.

What a freak.

I hope she sees this. Then maybe I'll get fired.