The house, the dog, the people

Last night I had to go to an event for work. It is an annual event that we do in partnership with a big, powerful, rich DC lobbying group (we'll call them, oh, I don't know, AIPEK) when they come to town to fish for benjamins. We'd like to tell them to get fucked, but we have to play nice and dance for our supper too. It is the worst event of the year, and it leaves me feeling like an abused lapdog.

The event is held in an opulent mansion. That way it will draw people who are friends of the homeowner, and thus also rich, in addition to the poor saps who just want to see the big house with the movie theater in the basement.

The host this year was the Goldenpeckers of Wayzata. I got lost trying to find their house, because the streets are ordered in such a way as to keep out riff raff like myself out. There are hidden streets that you can only see from the cabin of a luxury SUV with a satellite mapping program.

I walked in later than I meant to (cause I got lost) but still before any of the guests arrived. Our visitors from out of town were oooo'ing and aaaaa'ing over the aquarium in Mr. Goldenpecker's office. It was truly large and truly colorful. It wasn't a fish tank, it was an aquarium, see? Like you would put whales in, small whales, like maybe a pair of belugas. It was a beautiful thing that I'm sure he has just so he can show it off to his teenage daughter's friends when he lures them into his office. When I grow up, I want an office like that.

I walked out into the hallway to be immediately accosted by a small white yipping ball of fuzz. It may have been a poodle. It was basically a pinkish sort of sausagey looking thing with a ball of fur for a head and short boney legs. I said to my boss, I bet this things name is Mitsy. Mrs. Goldenpecker walked up and I asked her what the fuzz was called and she said, "Misty." Dang, I was close.

So people started to arrive and I had to try and mingle but none of those rich fuckers care to talk to me which is fine cause I don't care to talk to them either. It felt like a high school party where I was the weird kid at a jock party. It was very chummy, the way these rich folks related to one another, but it was slippery underneath, like they don't really like each other or have slept with each other's wives and they all know it, but they don't know that the other ones know it too.

After a couple of alarmist (The sky is falling and only your money can stop it!!!) pitches for each of our agencies, special guest spoke, giving a stock (This is what I think and why I'm important.) speech that I could have easily given. She used a few choice redundancies, like "This is a momentous moment," and "It will continue continually." She spoke as if she were on auto-pilot, fully cognizant of the lack of real meaning in her buzz-phrase stuffed speech.

When she finished, there were audience questions and then an invitation by the local president of AIPEK to eat cheese. I would eventually eat a lot of cheese but first he told a story about the importance of AIPEK. While meeting with a freshman congressman who had recently voted against some legislation favored by AIPEK, this prick told the elected member of congress, "You will never vote against that agian." At least that's how the story went. These rich fuckers were practically masturbating to the story of bullying a congressman. "Can my money do that too???" Then he said basically how they buy congress. It was a revolting story. I threw up down the neck of my shirt.

Then there was another hour of horribly painful mingling. It was 3 hours from the aquarium until I returned to the safety and solitude of my automobile. If I'm still working here when this event comes around next year, I'm going to wear a suicide belt filled with human feces and shit-bomb the place.