Another restaurant review: The bun incident or Atkin's revenge

We just ordered lunch from Key's Cafe in Downtown Minneapolis. My office is a regular customer of this establisment; we order several times a month. But once in a while, they screw up the order.

Our usual is a mushroom swiss burger. Today, they asked us, "would you like a bun?"

An odd question, yes?

We answered, "Um, yes, a burger is supposed to come with a bun."

Much to our chagrin, when we opened up the container, there was a meat patty, sitting on a pile of grease soaked chips, covered in mushrooms and swiss cheese, bunless, naked as the day it was chainsawed from the bone and ground up.

We can't eat that shit.

So we called Key's and they offered to send over a bun. What a genius solution.

We asked, "Well how long will it take to get here? Will you put it in the mail? Courier it on over? Cause see, the burger is going to be cold."

The high-school dropout on the other end of the line said, with a tone like we were totally putting her out, interrupting her cigarette break or putting in cornrows, "I don't know what to tell you. Do you want to talk to the manager?"

Itching for a fight (our trigger finger gets itchy when we're hungry), we told her to put on the manager. So the hair-club graduate gets on the line and says, "Hello?"

We ask him if the other genius briefed him on the current status of our situation. He says yes and offers to send us a bun. We ask him the tricky question, "How long will it take to get here? Cause it is going to get cold."

He said, "Well, it'll take about 10 minutes and I imagine the burger is already cold."

Now we're getting somewhere. He is stepping closer to our snare.

"Yeah, but we paid for a burger that wasn't cold."

"What do you want? Do you want me to send you another burger?"

VICTORY IS OURS!!!

Now we're waiting for our burger to come. Again.

We hate that fucking place. We're never ordering from there again.

Food critic

Now, for a first: I will write a restaurant review.

Last night I ate at Thanh Do in St. Louis Park. It gave me gas, but not the kind that smells. But a lot of it.

I ate the leftovers for lunch today and it did it again. But I don't think anyone noticed, either time.

The food was delicious and I would recommend eating there.

Standing in line

Me and Haypenny are going down to the theater to get in line. I'm gonna dress as Lobot, human cyborg and he's gonna dress as Zuckuss, the Gand bounty hunter. He wanted to be a Jawa, but I told him that was ridiculous. He would be the biggest fucking Jawa you've ever seen.

Admission

Well, it happened. Despite the fact that I said I never would, I like Bright Eyes. His new album, I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning is stellar. Will I fall for his back catalogue too? We'll just have to wait and see.

But don't worry macho men, I still don't like Belle and Sebastian. Not that much anyway.

Doing it in the wrong place

I stopped at the bar this morning on my way into work, trying to make the shakes go away (it didn't work). After chugging a couple of beers and a booster shot, I had to go to the bathroom. I walked in to see two men, one shitting in the urinal and the other pissing into a drain in the floor.

They turned and stared at me with their bloodshot eyes. I backed out slowly.

recirculate

I've taken myself out of circulation for a little while. I've done and said some stupid things. Some of them I remember.

Today I have a sandwich for lunch.

Things are slowing down. Thanks for your patience.

Do you like babka? We have a lot of babka in the office. Cinnamon babka.